Team, a 4 Letter Word That Means So Much
I’ve been a part of a team for most of my life. Be that sports teams, group projects, work teams, and now a few admin teams. Throughout my time within a team setting, I’ve learned more than I thought I learned at that time. Implementing it is what I have trouble with.
Playing sports has been a huge part of my life. Honestly, I miss it and I wish I would’ve changed my attitude a long time ago. See, I have been conditioned to put others first which makes me constantly feel left out. I pull myself away from teams when I don’t feel appreciated or needed. Everyone says that I do this to myself and that it’s my fault. But is it?
My Fault, or No?
Leaving college lacrosse was a hard decision for me but also made me grow up quickly. I finally felt the freedom to make my own decisions, sink or swim, and think for myself. I lived with my husband and we both had to grow up quickly.
Working at McDonald’s was my first step into working as a team in real life. The harder I worked the more I realized that no one cared as much as I did. So I left and moved on. About 3 years later I was now an Insurance Agent. An Insurance Agent, with no college degree and not much working experience. I thought, “wow all this hard work was worth it!”
Fast forward a little more to when real life got real, real quick.
Real Life Happens
We weren’t expecting to be expecting Kbebe so, things got cray. We both had great jobs but we weren’t working as a team. It was so overwhelming all the time. Plus my Postpartum Depression was masked by my constant need to brush off any sort of emotions. I didn’t want help, I felt that asking for help or accepting it meant I was a failure.
Every other woman/mother around me had it together. My mother in law always has a spotless house and mine was (and is) constantly destroyed. She tried to comfort me saying that her house was always covered in toys but for mine is so much more than just toys. The more people would come over the more I wanted to hide. They make comments when it’s clean like “oh it’s so much better in here” or “you are finally getting it.” As encouraging as they were trying to be, those words (still) make me cringe.
Accepting My New Team
It wasn’t until recently that I’ve started accepting help and changing my mindset. I watch my various admin duties on Facebook and see women working together. Then I see others not working as a team and I realize that is me. That is why I get so lonely at times. I push away everyone who tried to help my journey. I take on everything and try to have my hands in everything that has my name on it.
It doesn’t work that way!
You can’t control everything and you can’t act like others are too incompetent to help you. You have to relinquish control and allow people into your life. That is the only way to make your life easier.
Everyone has their own talents and abilities. You are doing them a disservice by not allowing them to use their talents.
Take my marriage, we are not just two people we are a unit. We are a team. For me, I’ve started trusting that he knows what he is doing with the kids. He kicks me out of the house to go have some time to myself while he spends time with the kids.
If I continued to say, “No I got the kids” I would constantly feel overwhelmed and unappreciated. By trusting his abilities I am allowing him to live his purpose as a father and husband. That is what is important as a team to allow people to use their abilities to make things run more smoothly.