The Word Love
Commitment, touch, feelings, all of these things that feel like what love is supposed to be. Love, a four letter word that people throw around carelessly without actually proving it. We tend to love things more than people. I know that for me, I’m much better at caressing a soft, hot donut from Krispy Kreme than I am at cuddling my husband.
Touch has always been hard for me to deal with, becoming a breastfeeding machine didn’t help. I love my family and I show it in many other ways than touch. See, my husband and I used to have no problems with affection but I am touched out by the end of the day!
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Many stay at home moms can relate, the endless grabbing, pinching, hugging from the kids can just wear you out. It isn’t a bad thing because these little blessings need our attention and affection. They thrive on it! The things is that your partner does too.
Marriage is Hard
We have had a swift transition into this whole marriage/parenting thing. We found out we were expecting Kbebe 1 week after getting engaged. Yeah, yeah we were living in sin. Treterous heathens we are just having fun with life and not preparing for the consequences. Blah, blah, hush.
That year was a wild one. Finally finding a doctor who believed my pain and saw just how bad my Endometriosis was, surgery for that, healing, and finally connecting on a deeper level. Before the surgery, I honestly was afraid we would never have children. It was a painful thing to go through and coming out the other side I just knew this was the man I wanted to marry. A few months after the surgery I begged him for like a week, “Let’s just go to the courthouse and get married. Just marry me already!” Little did I know he had a surprise already in the works. I bawled like a baby unaware of the baby that was already in side of me.
So we were thrust into this parental chaos thing, we never expected what came with it. Postpartum Depression, financial stress, and ultimately relationship stress. Our wedding was planned in about a month, we had our son, started a business, and then got pregnant again. It has been an eventful 3 years, to say the least. This year, however, we are finally out of the beginning of parenthood/marriage. We are finding our stride, but we still need to find time for each other.
More Than Love
What we are learning as we start building a partnership is that it takes more than loving each other. We love each other from afar sometimes. My mother in law often asks if we ever hug or kiss. We do! It’s just we don’t need the affection part all the time to know how much we love each other. Plus, with two kids under 3, we are tired. That doesn’t mean we don’t stay up late if ya know what I mean.
Seriously though, we are finding that making a marriage work is about finding moments. Moments where we can be vulnerable and communicate our needs. Moments where we can rest away from the parental chaos but still near to each other. These are the moments that just feel good in your soul. But, it takes more than just love. It takes work, commitment, time, trust, and finding ways to keep dating your partner.
Finding Time Together
In our life, it is a little hard to find time to date each other. Cam leaves at 6:45 AM or earlier for work and doesn’t get home until 7:00 PM or later. Then there is the kids’ bedtime, cleaning up, and then I have work to finish up on the computer. By the time all of that is done we just want to sit and watch Netflix until we fall asleep. This routine is fine, it’s our bonding style but eventually, it gets old.
So, the options are to spend money on a babysitter (or ask family) and then spend more money on going to dinner. In reality, we don’t even like going out to dinner because being home alone is such a rare thing these days. Until I found the company Night In Boxes!
Night In Boxes
Night In Boxes delivers a date night in a box to your door. Something different than routine date night and for us, we don’t have to go anywhere. In each box, you will find a themed date night with activities, a recommended dinner recipe, and this month we had a Spotify playlist too. Since we have limited time we actually split our date night between a few nights which was pretty fun!
The first night we got the kids to bed early and sat on the back deck. We decided to just do the tasting portion since we both needed to get up early the next day. First I went by Sprouts and picked up ingredients for the recommended dinner. Then we did the McCrea’s Carmel taste test! It was strangely awesome to feed each other and laugh again. It seems like we have just been zombie-ing our way through date nights until now.
Now we are trying to date each other again and find meaningful moments together. I know my husband’s love language is touch so this month’s box was perfect for him. As for me, I ventured out of my comfort zone and into touch again. It was really nice to feel like a woman again and less like just “mom”. If you are like us and need to find more meaningful moments I urge you to try Night In Boxes! It is changing our conversation and teaching us how to build a partnership through love.