Why Won’t He Help Me?
Father’s Day is coming up this weekend and I am busy making gifts with the kids. I seem to dread holidays lately because all we do is make a mess and then it takes me forever to get back to clean. In fact, it seems like more often than not the house is a wreck. I find myself asking the question, “Why won’t he help me?”
Why does he come home every night and just want to sit on the couch after dinner? Why does it take nagging him to get the trash taken out and his clothes from his trip put in the hamper? Sometimes I just don’t understand why everything is on my shoulders simply because I am the stay at home parent.
Do you ever feel that way? Feeling like your partner relies on you for everything while they get to actually leave the house every day and talk to other adults. I get so jealous that he gets to leave the parental chaos and venture out into the real world every day. He gets to be free of food on the floor and kids climbing on top of him all day long. Free of the constant guilt of feeling that way, or is he?
See, dads/working partners get a bad rap. Like me, some wives tend to only see their side of life and not what all their partners are missing out on in life. It has taken me a long time to realize that my expectations are unrealistic because I was not taking into account what my husband goes through on a daily basis. But, I am actively working on expanding my view.
Expanding My View
My husband is a wonderful father and truly loves his children. Taking a step back from my feelings, I am noticing how great a toll his job takes out of him. Each day he leaves before the kids wake up and he gets home as they are going to bed. Honestly, I think he may see them less than 30 hours total a week, with most of that time on the weekends.
How heartbreaking is that? No wonder he just wants to relax when he gets home! The stress of working, finances, and not being able to be home more is truly taking its toll on him. Then when he finally gets home he gets to hear a nagging wife complain about him not helping, which is hard because he isn’t home.
Sometimes mental stress is just as exhausting as physical or emotional stress. For me, I look around at the physical mess and see so much that needs to get done and isn’t getting done. For him, he sees the physical mess and then has to leave for work unable to help until he gets home. He has to carry the weight of my physical stress with him mentally throughout the day all while knowing he is missing important parental moments.
Now, that doesn’t mean that I expect less from him. It just means that I understand and need to stop nagging him about the help he gives. Because he does help, often, he just isn’t home. It means that we both need to start communicating our needs and working on creating a partnership without blaming the other for things not happening as they “should.”
Life isn’t perfect and neither are we. This Father’s Day I am making a promise to continue taking his feelings into account. I promise to communicate in a healthy way versus just complaining. Also, to find moments where I can thank my husband for everything he does and the stress he takes on for our family.
To My Husband
Thank you for everything you do for us. Thank you for showing me unconditional love and thank you for being my rock when I need it the most. Seriously, I am so thankful for you, my love, and am so glad we get to grow up together. The more we grow and learn about each other, the more I fall madly in love with you. Forever and always. Happy Father’s Day!
Special Thank You To: