Sometimes life hands you almost more than you can handle, for me that was motherhood. As a younger mother, I still hadn’t experienced what life I wanted to live. I thought that solely becoming a mother was my truth and everything else was extra, even my friends.
Becoming pregnant at 23 was a wake-up call. I was working as an Insurance Agent and thought I had it all. The job, insurance, daycare assistance, and friends that I could party with. The pregnancy was rough on me emotionally, physically, and mentally. I swear I don’t remember most of that year.
Deciding to be a Stay at Home Mom was probably the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I wanted to work an24d help provide for my family but I also knew I wouldn’t want to be away from my baby. It didn’t help that everyone was telling me to stay home and that my friends had started to disappear.
So, I found new friends and a new life experience in my small business. Then I got pregnant again. This time I knew that I needed to get it together. See, battling postpartum depression and not admitting you have a problem can have side effects. My house was (still is sort of) a complete wreck. Somehow I had allowed things to get out of hand while I was in the thick of my depression. I had been trying to get in with the “in crowd” versus focusing on friends who cared and who would help pull me out.
Breaking free from that gray period just happened in the last few months. I’ve said no to things I would normally say yes to, I even quit working on a few activities that I didn’t want to admit were overwhelming me. Through it all, I’ve found my purpose.
Blogging, speaking at events, Instagram brand amplification, and helping other mothers believe in their “mommyness” has become my heart-goal. I truly feel like I am living the purpose I have in the world. But, I miss my friends from before motherhood.
See, these new friendships I was trying to foster were not filling up my cup. I was pouring my all into them without realizing what I was doing and who I was hurting in the process. My life had become focused on building up everyone around me before I realized who I truly was and what life I wanted to live.
Now, this doesn’t mean that I regret anything or that I don’t still cherish the people I wanted to be like. I believe that your journey is meant to be experienced the way that you experience it and you simply must grow through it. Honestly, I would not have found myself without these friendships or experiences. But I do hold regret for any hurt I have caused along the way.
Motherhood in itself is a hard job and it isn’t easy if you don’t know who you are and what type of mom you want to be. Without finding myself I knew I would be forever trying to figure out my purpose outside of “mom”. I knew that I would eventually start to feel unhappy as a mom because my only job title was “mom”.
Now, in the beginning of my late twenties, I am beginning to see the world through clear eyes. As I look at the damage I left behind me I know that this post is necessary.
So my friends,
My old friends, I will always love you and I’m sorry that I neglected and hurt you. To my new friends, I say, cherish your old friendships while you foster the new ones. You never know who you have hurt along your journey and/or who really needs to hear that you know you have hurt them. To both I say, thank you for allowing me into your life even briefly.