Our Story, Self Love

Powering Through Day 1 – Postpartum Anxiety

Night or is it Day?

It’s 11:50pm on Wednesday night, the day I went to the doctor. I don’t really know what to write about today that I didn’t write already. But, I guess I can sum up that I’m still awake because I’m scared. I’m scared to take Zoloft. There, I said it so now I can overcome it, right?

I’ve never liked taking medication and once I start this I’ve heard it’s really hard to stop. A part of me is excited to see what life is like leveled out. Will I be awesome-er than I am now? Not possible. I’m pretty awesome. So (of course) I’m leaning towards the negative outcome out of fear. No, I’m not going to do that. I was strong enough and fearless enough to ask for help, I can do this.

Daylight

Ok, I’m awake and I feel strange but oddly enough I feel good. Last night however was awful. I was too scared to take it so I didn’t go to sleep until 1 AM. At that point the medicine had started to kick in and I felt like I was falling/spinning out of control. Plus the nausea at first was awful. But then, it was like it stopped and I felt able to fall asleep. I did still get up 2 or 3 times before my husband’s alarm went off at 5am. Then when I tried to talk to The Dudeman it was really frustrating as the words struggled to come out. But it’s about noon and I don’t feel too bad, still a little spacey but focused and determined to share my story.

It is scary but I also feel empowered to share my story. When I posted about this in The Hydeaway Community I was able to see so many supporting and sharing their stories. So I made my mission this: I will post a blog every day how I’m feeling, I will go LIVE on Hustle or Hyde for daily updates, and I will not hide this side of my reality. I’m going to share this journey whether people want me to or not. I think it’s a story to be heard, it’s my story and I’m not (ok, I’m terrified but I’m trying) scared to tell it.

So here goes…

 

 

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