It Feels Like The First Time
So, I’m heading to BlogHer17 this weekend and I’m stoked! It feels like the first time in a long time that I have felt excited about life. Like I have been transported back to the days of summer camp. Those were the best days because I knew that in those few moments I would feel changed. As a mom, I should feel guilty for feeling that way, right?
Why are we so scared to live a life outside of our kids?
For me, it’s taken years to feel like my own person. Years of people pleasing my way through life, unable to know what I wanted. Then I became a mom and my focus shifted to these two beautiful kids of mine. I want them to be happy and live secure in their family bond. That means I can never leave, right?
I’m out of here, bags are packed and I’m ready to go. Attempting to pump milk has been a bit of a challenge but it’ll be fine. It’ll be fine, right?
See, I have conflicting emotions about this trip. On the one hand, I want to fly amongst the greats. (Serena Williams is going to be there…pray that I don’t make a fool of myself.) However, on the other hand, my babies need me. The Sweetness needs me, I can’t leave her.
So, I never left Kbebe alone like this. Yes, this age was the start of weaning and the time he became bonded to his father. The Sweetness is different, she is so much different than him. She is much needier, always wants momma, and when she doesn’t get what she wants it is a full blown meltdown.
I’m scared. What if I don’t pump enough before my trip? What if she weans while I’m gone? Will this be the last time we nurse? Would that be so bad?
I’m kind of over breastfeeding. (Go ahead shame me) I don’t care, I am so touched out and just done. However, am I feeling this way because this break is something I have needed for a while?
Sometimes you need to focus on yourself in order to heal. Honestly, self-care is always on the back burner for me. I think this break is going to do my soul some good. Moms need that moment to breathe; because in reality, we are more than just a mom.
In the Parental Chaos of Motherhood, we forget that we are also women. We have needs and we can’t go on and on like a certain bunny. We have to recharge our batteries from time to time.
That is what I am most looking forward to during this first time away. Spending time with other bloggers, learning about storytelling, and resting away from the chaos. That and letting my husband experience full-time Fatherhood of two! He is going to love it!
To be continued…